...ill noise inc...interview with a lighter
This month Bushmado interviews Sucram and Kurt from your friendly neighborhood schizophrenic funk metal band "...ill noise inc..." Fresh out of the studio after having tracked a couple new songs, Kurt's pissed. The ill noise drummer frowns heavily and sighs while mote twiddles his thumbs and tries to muster the energy to pack another bowl. He succeeds shortly and the interview begins...
DJ: So fellas tell us who you are and what you do in the band.
KURT: What kind of fucking question is that? No one cares. We're loud. We're heavy. That's what they want to know. They just want to kill people to it.
DJ: Hey, don't answer the question then if you...
(mote interrupts)
SUCRAM: Don't pay any attention to him Dj. He's an asshole. Here, hit this. (passes the bowl) Tell your editor to quit referring to me as mote. (then in his best car salesman type voice says) At the dawn of my 29th year I'm not sure who I am. I sing for a metal band in a town that doesn't give two fucks about original music. He plays drums and is a lot like arsenio hall if he were a nazi.
KURT: Fuck off. Sorry Dj I'm just a little edgy.
DJ: Yeah whatever (what a dick...) Anyway, so tell us about the band. How long you guys been together? What you've been up to recently?
KURT: Well we've been ...ill noise inc... for about three years now, but I've been playing with some of these guys since like tenth grade. Sal's are lead guitar guy. Ed's the heavy handed rhythm guitar. Yeager's resume says he plays bass. I break cymbals. We had a keyboard player but he felt like it was time to go solo and plus we hated him anyway. This psycho fuck here bitches a lot and screams at people. Nazi. I'm not the one with the shaved head. (glares at Sucram) We've spent the last year just networking with other bands, playing alot, and trying to sell our cd.
DJ: Ah, the finished full length disc marcus has been promising me? "illogical" right?
SUCRAM: Sucram. Marcus is dead.
KURT: Yeah, illogical. (WARNING: BLATANT ADVERTISING AHEAD) Which, by the way, you can buy at Brave New World, Eides, CD Warehouse, CDBaby, or go to our website www.illnoiseinc.com Better yet come to a show you'll probably get it cheaper.
DJ: Speaking of shows. What's coming up?
KURT: We've got the Graffiti Rock Challenge Semi-Final Round Saturday February 1st at Rosebud which is gonna be sick. Another good band playing that night is Leon. Then February 9th we're at American Music Cafe in Murrysville for an all ages show. Then practice time. Time to write new shit. Actually we already started work on a new cd. Two songs, "clusterfuck" and "dead letter calling" are tracked and mixed. I laid down some other drum tracks but we haven't fucked with them yet. So shows are here and there you know?
DJ: How would you describe the sound of ...ill noise inc... to someone who has yet to hear the band?
SUCRAM: Close you eyes and imagine Nirvana being raped by System of a Down at a Faith No More show. Then Jessie Jackson shows up with his love child and a handful of midgets. The sky darkens and lightning shoots up from the ground. It's pouring rain and all the fucking crickets are there chanting something about subtle politics...the infamous 4th personality screams...Gabriel's shaking in the corner...Mote's on four hits of acid (suddenly stops and starts talking pleasantly to the wall)
KURT: Try not to direct too many questions toward him unless you want to hear some apocalyptic rambling.
DJ: Cool. What was you most memorable show?
KURT: Well we opened for Motley Crue in Japan (laughs) and Tommy and me were at this strip club...wait a minute. Nevermind I just dreamt that. Um, the Rex Theatre shows have been a blast. Costume parties. All the beer you can keep down. Girls getting naked. Fuck, the power puff girls showed up last time.
DJ: What was the most bizarre thing you've seen at a show?
KURT: We opened for this band called Bozo Porno Circus at The Upstage last year and they were fucking nuts. Giant dildos. Naked chicks getting fist fucked. Torture. Electric sanders. Whips. Chains. Flames. It was great.
DJ: If you could tour with any band who would you pick and why?
KURT: Slayer cause it would rule.
MOTE: Foo Fighters because they fucking crack me up.
DJ: Top five favorite bands?
KURT: Motley Crue, Slayer, Metallica...
MOTE: Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Nine Inch Nails...
KURT: What you're in the conversation now?
MOTE: Yeah. How long have we been here?
KURT: Where? Doing this interview?
MOTE: No, on earth. Humans in general I mean.
DJ: Shut the fuck up Sucram. I'm asking him the questions so answer if you like but stick to the question.
MOTE: Just call me Mote man.
DJ: Whatever.Top five favorite movies?
KURT: STAR WARS! All five of them.
MOTE: Fight Club, Interview with a Vampire, Pulp Fiction, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Evil Dead II.
DJ: Best TV show ever?
KURT: Sopranos.
MOTE: Yehweh Ben Yehweh. It's so twisted it's almost like a soap opera except these assholes are a real cult. Public access, go figure.
DJ: Worst TV show ever?
GOD: Dawson's Creek. Uh, sorry...
MOTE: Who the fuck was that? (Kurt and Dj both shrug)
DJ: Favorite Food?
KURT: Anything dead. Fuck vegetables.
MOTE: Spicy Chinese food. Lots of Vegetables. Mmmm let's hurry this up.
DJ: Favorite Drug?
KURT: I don't do drugs. (chuckles)
MOTE: Me neither. (As he hits the bowl again and passes it to Kurt)
DJ: What are your thoughts on Pittsburgh?
KURT: Christ let's not get into that. Shut up mote.
DJ: Anything you'd like to close with?
(suddenly Mote's eyes glass over and he begins to violently shake)
GABRIEL MISMATCH: SOCIETY'S SON IS THE MURDERER. THE BURDEN LIES EVEN FURTHER. DEEP AMONG THE BIRDS OF A DIFFERENT FEATHER. TOGETHER WITH THE RAPIST THEY DANCE IN THE PAPERS TO ENTERTAIN US. SPARKING THE IMAGINATION OF THE COMMON MAN. WHO RETAINS HIS INNOCENCE BY ALL MEANS. THE INFAMOUS 4TH PERSONALITY IS COMING... HE'S BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL... THE BASTARD GOD IS FREE...HE'S...(breaks off into garbled words and hysterical laughter then shakes his head quickly and appears to have calmed down.)
MOTE: Hey are we done? Can we go to that Chinese buffet? I'm starved.
KURT: Yeah we'll stop. I gotta get smokes first though.
MOTE: Cool. Hey thanks Dj.
DJ: No problem man. Hey where's my cd?
MOTE: I'll bring one up this week.
DJ: Yeah right asshole.
MOTE No, I will. Really.
DJ: Cool.
www.illnoiseinc.com
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